The Gentle Queen
by OnceAlways
Summary: Susan, and why I think she "grew up". Using Regina Spektor's The Call as a guideline.


Uh... Hi. I'm extremely new to this and haven't a clue as to what i'm doing.

So... Pardon me for any mistakes, and help me improve?

I used Regina Spektor's **The Call **and C.S Lewis' **Chronicles of Narnia**. Not very well, I'm afraid. I haven't really read many Narnia fics, so I hope it doesn't seem to copy anyone's ideas?

* * *

_It started out as a feeling  
Which then grew into a hope  
Which then turned into a quiet thought  
Which then turned into a quiet word_

Susan stumbled over the tree root (It didn't respond, and that was wrong ) as she looked up and saw- at last!- the shadow of something. A feeling of shame washed over her, but she brushed that off, suddenly refreshed. She quickened her pace behind Edmund, overtaking Peter, and paused, her sensible side taking over. Why was she chasing shadows? It was such a Lucy thing to do. But then the shadow appeared to pause and look- _look at her!-_ It could only be, oh she didn't dare hope, but something in her told her it was alright, something that whispered "Aslan!" but she didn't dare voice that. Vaguely she heard Edmund exclaim and heard another voice telling her that no, Aslan would show himself in all his glory. But then moonlight washed all over Him and there he was, _in all his glory_. And when He breathes on her she finally calms down and accepts Him because she knows that Aslan accepts her. That He understands that of all her siblings, she loved Him most in her own way, and that was why she was most afraid to face him, after all those years. And finally she admitted it to herself and said, quietly but with great resolve- "A little, Aslan."

_ And then that word grew louder and louder  
Until it was a battle cry  
I'll come back  
When you call me  
No need to say goodbye_

"Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia"

Susan paused, struck by the thought at a glimpse of the White Stag. She didn't care much for hunting but something told her to join her siblings for this particular hunt. They had readily agreed (when she came along, the spoils multiplied quickly), without much ribbing, to her surprise. As soon as she called to the rest, signalling that she'd seen the animal, the thought went away, lost in the chase (the High King her brother leads, again) and when they see the lamppost- she thinks all of a sudden that she would always come back, and the horn slips from her fingers, without her notice. The Gentle Queen never looks back. Not once.

_ Just because everything's changing  
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before  
All you can do is try to know who your friends are  
As you head off to the war_

The second time she arrives in Narnia, she's taken aback at how different things are. She scarcely remembers who the Telmarines are- Who are they to take over Narnia? - and wonders at how much it seems like Jadis has returned. She's just returned to Narnia, and suddenly she's fighting a war. She's confused, and doesn't know whose side she's on (Old Narnians? New Narnians? She feels like a relic) She always left the battles to Peter, Edmund and Lucy, participating only when her unerring skill and common sense was required, but suddenly she's waging a war she doesn't know how to fight.

_ Pick a star on the dark horizon  
And follow the light  
You'll come back when it's over  
No need to say goodbye_

She vaguely remembers that stars in Narnia are real people, and looks for one her old friend Aravis, one time Calormene Tarkheena, one time Queen of Archenland, used to tell her stories about; the star Arcturus, whom Aravis met once about a hundred years before he was about to take off to the night sky again. She imagines her old friend guiding her to look for the star. She thinks she knows which one he is, and Queen Susan the Gentle falls asleep under his gentle guidance, but mostly a dear old friend's memory.

_ Now we're back to the beginning  
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet  
But just because they can't feel it too  
Doesn't mean that you have to forget_

Susan- not Queen Susan the Gentle, Just Susan- ran her hand over Aslan's mane one last time. He had watched her knowingly all the time He spoke to both she and Peter, as though only she, Susan, would ever leave Narnia. The one time he'd taken his gaze off her was when he'd spoken about His country. And that was how she knew Susan the Gentle, Susan of the Horn was never coming back. So she busied herself with looking grand and growing up, because if Aslan decreed she'd never return, then she would be Just Susan, once Queen of Narnia. Yet, she could never be a queen in everything, and so tried (and failed) to pretend that Narnia had never existed, although she still sometimes acted as Susan, one of the Four(but only when she was tested by annoying fools).

In her heart, she knew Susan the Gentle sat on the throne at Cair Paravel still.

But to her consciousness, Susan of the Horn no longer sat at Aslan's feet, because Aslan had wished it himself.

_ Let your memories grow stronger and stronger  
Until they're before your eyes  
You'll come back  
When they call you  
No need to say goodbye_

Susan knew it the moment it happened, because she'd always feel connected to Narnia in some way. She'd simply laughed at the rest who had been reminiscing about Narnia, speaking of The Beginning of Narnia, The Golden Age of Narnia(secretly, she'd wanted to correct a mistake in the retelling of how Lucy had beaten a dwarf at archery after a day's teaching from Susan herself), Caspian's Rule and his Death when she was asked to join in. She didn't even eavesdrop as they planned to aid the (she knew it in her heart) Last Ruler of Narnia. Simply, she still believed. But it wasn't enough to conquer her fear of facing Aslan. And so she immersed herself in parties even more, because Susan had never been the strongest of her siblings.

She regretted it when she heard news of a train crash

She knew Narnia was finally part of her imagination the moment she heard of the crash, and received the call that her family had perished.

And in that instance, she knew that they were all together in Aslan's Country.

She felt like a child again.

_ You'll come back  
When they call you  
No need to say goodbye_

Many years later, she felt the tug of Aslan's magic again. She entered His country alone- but not alone, for she could feel His guidance- and when she reached the great golden gates, she found everyone she had ever known or whose life she had unknowingly touched in her reign as Queen of Narnia standing there, waiting for her. No one was cheering. But they all faced her, smiling broadly, encouragingly. She understood. And they, too, understood. Queen Susan the Gentle of Narnia had returned to them, wiser and infinitely more capable. (Not for nothing was she one of the Four)


End file.
